February 10, 2015
I have a bad habit of always wanting to start over. It’s like when you really want a fresh new notebook, but worse. I have this preconceived notion that it will allow me to erase everything that has previously happened. That I won’t have to ever look back at those things that I don’t really like, those things that make my heart frown instead of smile.
After a while reality starts to set in and I’m reminded I can’t just erase the bad and move on, I have to embrace it. That’s the hardest part. Embracing things that although they’re not ideal, they got me where I am now. Now is not perfect and I’ll probably want to erase it somewhere down the road too. But, for now it’s slightly better than what it used to be.
All in all I
think know were all pretty hard on ourselves. I tend to be a dreamer which comes back to haunt me all too often. When you’re dreams run wild like mine and then none of the dreams come to fruition, it’s a bubble buster. A big, huge slap in the face. It’s a reminder that I didn’t make those dreams come to life. Insert new, fresh notebook.
Instead I think I’ll pick up all the old notebooks and flip through to the dreams that still mean something to me. I’ll circle them in a bold, bright color and I’ll keep trying to get there. No more wishing for pretty new pages to start over. Instead, living in the beautiful chaos of the pages that have already been written. The dreams that have been dreamt but not yet reached.